It is Friday evening and I find myself, yet again, sitting in bed blogging. This is becoming an all too familiar trend for me, but I guess I can't complain. Better to be safe in my bed then out drinking, whoring or spending lots of money, right? If you know me at all, you know that none of those things are real concerns for my social life, but work with me, here. I just needed some comparisons...
What a week. I got a call on Monday from my mom: Grandma is not doing very well and was rushed to the hospital. Apparently only the bottom half of her hear was working. Things have only gotten worse from there and it is, unfortunately, her time to pass soon. They moved her to hospice yesterday and now we are just waiting and praying for her to pass quickly so she does not suffer.
I haven't quite sorted out all my emotions about this stuff yet, but I will tentatively say that I am doing ok for now. I've only had one breakdown so far, and it was a long time coming but passed over quickly. I guess I would just describe it as "reality sinking in".
If you have ever heard me talk about my family, especially my mom's side, you would probably draw the conclusion that I am not very close to them. I'm not sure if this is a true statement, but I certainly have not spent much time with them over the past few years. I won't get into the reasons why, but I will just say that we are all very different people, and it has taken me a long time to be able to accept them as they are without needing anything in return. Whatever the case, they're still my family and I love them. They may not always meet my expectations, but they give what they have to give, and they are the only ones who have known me since my beginning. They are my history book, my atlas and my compass.
I grew up with my grandma around quite a bit. She lived with us for years, and then when she moved to the small town of Holdingford MN, I used to go and spend large parts of the summer with her. I have so many memories of her and it was not until this week that I realized how much I have taken those memories for granted. Lola is 89 years old and I guess I kept convincing myself that she would be around forever...
I took the day off of work on Tuesday and spent some time with her in the hospital. She is pretty hard of hearing, so we didn't talk much, but it gave me an odd sense of peace and comfort just to sit there with her. Since she can't hear well, I found myself enjoying the silence and waiting for her to speak. I realized that it was one of the few times in my life that I truly had the patience to just -listen. No rushing, no controlling the conversation or inserting my thoughts or opinions before the other person could finish their own. There was only patience and peace between us. I brought her some puzzle books and watched her drift in and out of sleep/unconsciousness for several hours. My mom and aunt joined me in the afternoon. I felt a little guilty about not going in to work, but in hindsight it was the best decision I ever made.
This may not seem related, but I'm sick. I tried to pretend for most of the week that I wasn't, but I'm not a very good actor and so I have finally succumbed to the virus... hence the laying in bed at 10pm thing. I felt run-down when I was at the hospital, but I attributed that to being out of my routine. I didn't eat a snack, I didn't drink any water all day, and I ate cafeteria food for lunch (for those of you following my Whole 30 challenge, I was still able to eat Paleo, don't worry). I came home and crashed for 2 hours and then went back to bed at 9pm.
Fast forward to Friday and I left work at 4pm today. I came home and fell asleep for 3 HOURS! this sucks. I am hoping that this is the worst of it and recovery will be on its way tomorrow.
My last thing to chat about: I had a consultation at a new Chiropractor today. I'm pretty excited about it. I have had very good experiences with Chiro over the years. My first chiropractor was a guy with whom I do karate, and I have gone to him since I was 16 years old. I was forced to change though because he is too far away (about 30 miles) and so I am not able to get to him regularly. So, enter Dr Tim Fargo, and I'm ready to tackle some of my injury-stuff with a "new man". He did a great job of earning my trust, so I guess I'll give him a shot. :) I'll let you know how it goes.
and with that I will end this random, disjointed post. If you are one who prays (and I hope that you are), please keep my grandma in your prayers. Ask the Lord to lift her up to Him, and to bring her peace and comfort in her final days.
1 comments:
Oh misty, I read your blog about your grandma and I had tears in my eyes. I am so glad you spent that day with her. This will give you comfort in the end.I too have been guilty of taking time, etc, for granted and not savoring those precious times. That goes along with being young. As we grow older, the people in our lives will come and go and we learn to relish those moments we have with them and make the best out of the short amount of time that we have. It molds us into better human beings and allows us to strengthen ourselves for our own mortality . Those times you did have with her will become cherished memories and that will give you comfort, <3<3<3 Aunt Kat
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